Help Kids Now or Make Them Wait to Inherit?
For 15 years, I’ve been a member of TIGER 21, a peer-to-peer learning organization with 1800+ worldwide members. I joined TIGER 21 to improve my investing skills, but it quickly became so much more. Each of us belongs to a group of 15 that serves as a personal board of directors, meeting monthly for a full day to guide you through life transitions and decisions ranging from finance, health, estate planning, family dynamics, and anything keeping you up at night.
Another valuable aspect of TIGER 21 is when each member delivers an annual PD (“Portfolio Defense”) to the group. The PD is not just about your investment portfolio, but really extends to your “life” portfolio. For the 15th year, I just did my PD. No matter how often I do it, I discover new things about myself. The PD is a very revealing and honest look in the mirror, requiring you to address issues typically swept under the rug in our day-to-day routine.
I’ll share one aspect of this year’s PD that converted a financial discussion into one about my parenting philosophy. I revealed how Laurie and I made the decision years ago to provide our kids with financial assistance while they were ramping up their careers. Some of my TIGER colleagues challenged me on this, believing we shouldn’t deprive them of the benefits that come from early years of struggle.
Like with all financial and estate decisions, there’s no clear right or wrong. I defended our decision with these reasons:
- We could make the kids wait until they’re old to inherit (when they don’t need it), or assist them in their younger years (when they need it).
- The cost of living for a young family today is astronomically more expensive than in earlier days when the “struggle” philosophy was more the norm.
- Our kids were engaged in productive career development, doing all the right things to achieve career success (which in fact has happened). That’s different than enabling someone who is misdirected or off track.
- We monitored the amounts, so as to never jeopardize our own financial security.
- It’s gratifying to witness them benefiting from our generosity rather than have it happen when we’re gone.
After hearing me out, my TIGER group affirmed my decision. I left feeling good about the benefits of helping out children reach earlier career success. I wrote about other aspects of this topic in my October 19, 2021, post entitled “Inheritance: Give Some Now and Some Later, or Do It All at Death?” Like with the “Now and Later” candy, there’s some sweetness in providing some inheritance now, with more to come later. Doing so also gives the next generation the opportunity to learn financial lessons on a smaller amount, rather than making mistakes on a bigger, lump-sum inheritance that lands in their lap all at one time. It also sends the message that you trust them.
In discussing this topic recently with my banker, I learned that there’s support for my approach in Bill Perkins’ book Die with Zero. Virginia Colin’s parents were unwilling to share their resources, though she was on the edge of poverty. Virginia, who was old by the time her dad died in his 90’s, opted differently. “Don’t wait until you’re dead to give your money away. With her five children and stepchildren, ranging in age from 29 to 43, she and her husband make a point of giving them money sooner rather than later, depending on their needs. “If you get [the money] when you are 30” she rightly pointed out, “you can buy a nice house and raise your kids in the environment you want to raise them in, and not have to scramble the way I did.”
Perkins rightly expands the concept of sharing wealth with your kids beyond just the monetary assets. There’s more to an inheritance than money. “Now look at it from your kids’ point of view, because it’s our kids’ fulfillment that we’re trying to maximize here…. Remember: The purpose of money is to have experiences, and one of those experiences for your kids is time with you. Therefore, if you are earning money but not having experiences with your kids you are actually depriving your kids and yourself.”
That reminder offers me further affirmation, not only for the financial assistance, but also for funding family travel and experiences. Now I feel even better about that recent trip to Disney World with our kids and grandkids that cost me well more than my first year’s salary as a lawyer. I told Laurie, “Pay for it all and never add it up or tell me the total. I don’t want to know.” But regardless of the cost, it was worth every penny (or more like every thousand). Lifetime memories are a priceless bequest!
Marvin E. Blum

Marvin Blum delivering his annual “Portfolio Defense” to his TIGER 21 group, affirming not just his financial decisions, but his parenting ones too.

Another aspect of inheriting family wealth early is non-monetary, like this Blum family trip to Disney World. It was expensive, but it created priceless lifelong memories!
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