I receive a lot of meaningful feedback each week from readers of Blum’s Blog. One post that generated outsized reactions was “How’s Your Relationship with Money? I’m Working on Mine.” Many of us who grew up in modest circumstances hang onto early messages of frugality, even in today’s times of plenty. I confessed to filling Ziplocs with apples and other treats when heading from the Admiral’s Club to my American Airlines flight. (I didn’t add that I reuse those Ziploc bags over and over until they no longer close, much to my wife Laurie’s chagrin.)
As I discovered, I’m not alone. When I board that flight, my seat is in coach. Several respondents conquered that aspect of frugality and tell me they now fly first class. They urge me to come join them, warning “if you don’t fly first class, your children will!”
Mary Sue resists the Admiral’s Club apples, but does pick up a brownie or two. She continued, “Even at my age, the words of my mother echo in my head – a woman who lived through the Depression. When my mother moved into a senior living community and my brother-in-law became her executor, it was a challenge to find her savings in the 13 different banks where she squirreled her money to be safe.”
Richard, another victim of Depression mentality, shared, “I grew up with parents who lived through the Depression and I inherited financial insecurity. For example, I use my kids’ piggy bank to stow change that ends up in my pocket (less and less of this) and relentlessly turn off lights in the house. These things will never change.”
Tracy, a second-generation member of one of my favorite legacy-building families shared her story of growing up in modest times, before wealth made its way into their lives. “I so get this! Having grown up with a family struggling to create a wealth stream, I have an embedded memory of my first new coat at 10, all previously were hand-me-downs. Lots of my clothes were handmade by my mom. Frugality is born out of necessity. Even though I don’t need to from a financial sense now, I still focus on saving money by turning out lights (that my cute husband leaves on), buying through thrift sites, buying 1-year-old cars…some habits are engrained in who we are. Our relationship to money is a huge part of our happiness. Do you save now, spend later? Or spend now, pay later? I’m frugal, yet I’ll go on a lavish African safari or Antarctica expedition. One of the greatest gifts I gave my three adult children is a healthy relationship to money. They are all great at managing/saving/spending responsibly. Mission accomplished.” Way to go, Tracy, in teaching values to your kids who are growing up in very different financial circumstances than you did.
Speaking of cars, I grew up in a family that never drove new or fancy cars. I remember being embarrassed when picked up at school, wishing my parents would park a block away. Shame on me, but I know I’m not alone. I inherited the car frugality, buying “gently used” cars and driving them until they can’t go anymore. I’m at over 175,000 miles on my Lexus SUV now. Chris chimed in, “Someone asked me, ‘If you are so rich, why do you drive this car?’ I said, I’m rich BECAUSE I drive this car.”
Two of my high school friends who knew the early Marvin in the 1960s and 70s weighed in. Lisa shared how she taught her daughters to stretch a dollar by giving them an allowance to pay for their own clothes and entertainment. “My older daughter especially learned the wisdom of shopping and consignment shops. To this day, she does that both for herself, and for their two children. My younger daughter is much the same. Frugality is something that you can teach. I’ve always said money is money. It’s not worth wasting.”
Loyd, who also grew up with Paschal High public school values, likewise identified with my message, but ended his comment with special wisdom: “I would never have dared to order bottled water in front of my father. I wear faded jeans, wear my shoes until my pronated heel is ground down, am married to my first wife, drive a 2023 Nissan Pathfinder, don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke, and don’t gamble. I do have a McIntosh amplifier that I bought used for $4,600 that is worth every penny to me. While we both had the benefit of a good upbringing, we have also both worked very hard. Time is getting short to enjoy a few pieces of fruit from our labors and blessings. My father always said, ‘If the son is not smarter than the father, then there is no progress.’ Maybe our ‘smartness’ is knowing when it is okay to enjoy a few material things. We certainly cannot take it with us.”
Loyd is right. It’s time to smell the roses. As I said in my post, I’m working on that and making progress. Here’s some evidence. I’m writing this on a flight home from a conference in Las Vegas, and for the first time, my luggage has no hotel soaps or shampoos in it. You may think that’s a silly indicator, but if you really knew me, you’d realize this is a big step.
I’ll conclude with the reaction from my best friend Talmage Boston, who along with my wife and kids, knows me better than anyone. Talmage urged me to write this follow-up blog post and share a valuable lesson he taught me. Several years ago, Talmage urged me to join him in funding a scholarship at UT Law School. Hearing my reluctance, Talmage persisted. In Talmage’s words, “Once you said ‘yes,’ all kinds of doors started opening for you with deans and leaders of the law school. Generosity always produces unexpected benefits.” So true.
Those of us with this frugal tendency sometimes need a loving push to let go and, as Talmage and Loyd both urge me, enjoy the fruits of our labor. As my TIGER 21 chair admonished me when he saw that I was postponing joy until the future, “Marvin, the future is now!”
Marvin E. Blum
Breaking old habits of frugality takes “a little help from my friends.” Here, Marvin Blum (left) succumbed to Talmage Boston’s urging and created a UT Law School scholarship in honor of their best friendship, which brings enormous fulfillment.