This post wraps up a four-part series on parenting tips. Last week’s post was How to Raise Entrepreneurial Kids. Today’s shifts focus to How to Raise Happy Kids. I’m not an expert on the topic, but just sharing things I’ve learned from those who are. In particular, I’m an avid fan of Arthur Brooks who teaches “Happiness” at Harvard. Today’s tips come from Brooks’ January 27, 2025, weekly column on “The Art and Science of Happiness,” as well as a speech he gave two days later at a TIGER 21 conference.
Brooks gives us hope. Even if we’re not perfect (and who is?), we can succeed at raising happy kids. Here’s how:
- The science says that one-third of the job is to just be warm and loving. Warmth and affection from fathers gets even more weight.
- Kids raised in faith fare better. A 2001 study shows the benefits of “parental religiosity.” Once again, a father practicing his faith carries even more weight than a mother.
- Put the focus on being “happy” rather than “special.” Kids who grow up striving for fame or power struggle with happiness later. The brain gets wired to only be happy when you get the adulation of strangers, often leading to addiction. Per Brooks, the worst thing is for your kid to be a child Disney star.
- Live a life with purpose. Engage in meaningful family activities.
- Create a tight family unit. Thousands of aspen trees in a grove all share one root system. Happy people realize their individuality is an illusion. Don’t go it alone. We are all connected.
- Most of all, “be the person you want your kids to become.” “What you say has very little impact on how kids turn out…. What does matter for their development and well-being as a parent is your behavior—what they see you doing.”
Brooks clarifies that happiness is different from joy. Joy is just evidence of happiness. Joy is the smell of the Thanksgiving turkey; happiness is enjoying the whole meal. Brooks identifies the four daily habits of the happiest people:
- Faith– Be “little” in an enormous universe.
- Family– Your true self is not the sum of your achievements, but the sum of the love for the people in your life.
- Friends– Friends aren’t a “nice to have,” they’re a “need to have”—but you need “real friends,” not “deal friends” who only befriend you because you can benefit them.
- Meaning– Engage in daily activity that gives you purpose—a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Reflecting on this, I want to give a shout out to the way my daughter and her husband, Lizzy and Ira Savetsky, are raising Stella (12), Juliet (10), and Ollie (4). It brings Laurie and me great joy that they are checking all Brooks’ boxes, and the results are living proof of it. In particular, Lizzy describes their activism for the Jewish people as a “family business” that employs all five of them. Their kids are involved almost daily supporting Israel—putting up posters of hostages so the world won’t forget, meeting with family members of hostages to give love, visiting hospitals and army bases, serving meals, attending rallies and prayer vigils. Stella even asked for no Bat Mitzvah presents, preferring donations to “IDF Widows and Orphans” (Israel Defense Forces Widows and Orphans).
Brooks sums up the goal: may they grow up to be “good, responsible, compassionate, honest, faithful—and happy—people.” And to that I say, Amen!
Marvin and Laurie Blum with Harvard Professor Arthur Brooks, a leading authority on how to raise happy kids.
