For most jobs we do in the course of life, we go through some kind of training. Typically, there’s an orientation or at least a “how to” manual. But for one job (the most important of all), there is no schooling or instruction book. You’re thrown into the deep and it’s sink or swim. You’ve likely guessed by now—that job is raising kids.
Parenting is hard. You love with all your heart, but you’re not there to win a popularity contest or be best friends. I can think of lots of times I wasn’t the most popular or “coolest dad” to Adam and Lizzy. A couple of examples come to mind:
- Lizzy discovered a love of performing in her second grade performance of “I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No.” From that point, she wanted a career on stage, in the spotlight. I knew a relentless pursuit of performance would interfere with her Hebrew studies. I struck a bargain with her: “If you wait until after your Bat Mitzvah and devote yourself fully to your religious preparation, I’ll take you to every audition after that and support your dream.” Lizzy complied, and at age 13, only weeks after her Bat Mitzvah, I stood in a long line with her auditioning at the Johnnie High Country Music Revue (not exactly a Jewish hang out). The rest is history. Lizzy performed weekly on that stage for years, a great training ground for her career as a public speaker and advocate for all things Jewish and Israel. Remarkably, she ended up combining her love for the spotlight and her love for Judaism.
- When Adam was in his senior year as a business honors and accounting major at UT, he informed me of his decision not to take the CPA exam. He appreciated his accounting education but had no intention of ever practicing as a CPA. He already had a non-accounting job lined up on Wall Street and saw little value in spending his last semester studying for a test. My response: “Adam, you had the misfortune of being born into the wrong family. In the Blum family, taking the CPA exam is not optional.” Again, I wasn’t the popular dad. His answer: “It’s a waste.” Adam aced the exam, is still a CPA, and indeed never has practiced accounting. But he uses his accounting skills daily at his investment firm, and today Adam admits that his CPA designation has enhanced his credibility and has provided a meaningful benefit to him over the years as he’s built and grown his investment firm.
These stories bring to mind a similar time when my mom Elsie had to be the unpopular parent with me. In the summer leading up to my Bar Mitzvah, I was playing at a friend’s house and decided that was more fun than learning to lead the Shacharit service at my Bar Mitzvah. I called my mom at work to inform her I would just do the Torah, Haftarah, and Musaf portions at my Bar Mitzvah and let the Cantor lead Shacharit. Elsie wasn’t having it. To this day, at age 70, I think of Elsie’s insistence every time I recite Shacharit. I suppose I know the source of my own parental pushing. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
I share these thoughts to help other parents who struggle with the toughest job on earth. But it’s also the most important job we ever do. We are raising tomorrow’s leaders. The future of the world depends on us to do our job, starting in our kids’ earliest years. Raising responsible kids is also critical to building a legacy and positioning a family for multi-generational success. As we learn in Ethics of our Fathers: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Sometimes that means telling your kids what they don’t want to hear, and then holding the line if they object. That’s our job.
Marvin Blum’s daughter Lizzy with Johnnie High in her first singing appearance on his show—the start of life in the spotlight.
