Next week, Laurie and I will celebrate our 46th anniversary. When I was growing up, my mother Elsie repeatedly advised me: “The most important decision you make in your life is who you marry. If you get that right, you can handle anything that comes your way, and you’ll have a happy life.” I must’ve heard that from her 1,000 times. Evidently, I took that advice to heart. When I chose Laurie for my wife, boy did I get it right!
Laurie grew up in Memphis, Tennessee, but fortunately chose the University of Texas for college. As fate had it, she chose to live at Dobie, a new co-ed dorm where I was a Resident Advisor. We met on her first day. As the Beatles sang, “She was just 17, and you know what I mean…” But the romance didn’t happen so fast. Instead, we became good buddies, eating together with a group of friends every night. But then one Sunday night a couple of years later, I was eating out with a law school friend Paul, and he asked (as guys tend to do), “Who’s your idea of the perfect girl?” He answered first, and without hesitation, Paul said, “To me, the perfect girl is Laurie Kriger.” I was speechless. Duh! How could I have not seen that? I agreed 100%, but was too close to her to realize it. We were just friends. But I decided then and there to take it to the next level.
I returned to my apartment and called Laurie to ask her out on a date—not just one date, but two. “Are you free next Friday night and next Saturday night?” I never had any “game,” or knew how to play it cool with a girl. That Friday night, I told my roommate Talmage Boston not to come home till late, as I was going to have a serious conversation with Laurie and break the news to her that we were going to become more than just friends. I had the lights dim, and the setting just right for a romance to start on the spot. Well, I’m sure it’s no surprise to you that it didn’t go the way I planned. Laurie was shocked and nervous. There was no romance that night.
In the coming months, I backed off, or at least tried to. Laurie was dating another guy (super rich, by the way, and his last name was the same as a big jewelry store), but nothing would deter me. I knew what I wanted, and I wasn’t going to give up. I somehow had to win her over.
I saw a chance and I grabbed it. Right after my law school graduation and the Bar exam, I became aware that Laurie, her parents, and her sister Peggy were going to London for a vacation. I decided a vacation to London was just what I needed before starting my job. I asked Talmage to join me, and being my best friend and knowing how much this meant to me, he agreed. So, the two of us (broke, but with borrowed money) “happened” to be in London at the same time as the Kriger family. Laurie’s parents took a liking to us. In particular, her dad, Abe, saw my potential, even if I didn’t have a jewelry store last name. Laurie’s parents gave Talmage and me their two tickets to go see the London Broadway show “Annie” with Laurie and Peggy. That’s when it happened – the ice finally melted. During the tender song “Something Was Missing,” sung by Daddy Warbucks, our hands clasped, and I could feel the magic happening.
Within weeks, we were engaged and planning a wedding. There was no reason to wait. We’d been friends for five years and knew all there was to know about each other. So, on January 13, 1979, at Temple Israel in Memphis, we became Mr. and Mrs. Blum. Talmage stood right by me as we said our vows. He was a big part of how we made it to that wedding canopy, as there would have been no Marvin in London had Talmage not agreed to join me.
Talmage is a Presidential historian and was recently researching George Washington and his marriage to Martha. He sent me a page from Washington’s God (by Michael and Jana Novak) that describes how George “loved having Martha at his side, and they shared every aspect of each other’s lives…. They were soul mates.” George considered Martha “his dearest friend, who thought they were two in one soul.” Talmage said the image of “two people, one soul” made him think of Laurie and me. He sent me a copy of the page where next to those words, Talmage had written “Marvin & Laurie” in the margin. Laurie and I are deeply touched by Talmage’s words.
When I selected the title of this post as “Choose the Right Spouse: That’s What Friends Are For,” I had in mind a double meaning. In Laurie becoming my wife, Talmage was an essential element in making it happen, as without him, there’d have been no London meltaway moment. That’s what friends do for each other. But there’s a second meaning. Very often, the right spouse may well be someone who is your friend. When choosing a spouse, don’t overlook your close friends. It may take some time to get both of you on the same page, but stick with it and the rewards will come. I can hear Dionne Warwick singing now: “In good times and bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more. That’s what friends are for.” For me, that’s Talmage, and that’s Laurie.
Marvin & Laurie Blum on their wedding day, January 13, 1979.
