As we approach the inauguration, so many of us are on edge, grappling with our country’s polarization and tense political environment. We are tempted to team up with others who are like-minded, while we shut out those who aren’t. Even within our own friend groups, we bond with those who closely share our views and may shun those who don’t.
I am thankful to be a part of the Canoe Brothers, a group of 21 buddies from law school. We travel together frequently, canoe trips and other excursions, and we share lively text discussions daily. Even in this tightly knit brotherhood, we are about 50/50 divided on political views. That’s a recipe for friction.
However, soon after the election, Canoe Brother Pete Geren provided us with very insightful wisdom. Pete’s words fueled within our group a commitment to stay unified, in spite of our political differences. How did he do that? Pete urged us to stand in the other person’s shoes and understand where they are coming from. Their perspective may differ from yours, but that doesn’t make either right or wrong.
Doing so isn’t easy, but the effort is worth it. As my daughter Lizzy Savetsky posted on her Instagram account after the election:
“Many of us have strong issues we’re fighting for on both sides that we genuinely believe are life and death. To my friends, family members, mentors, and followers who voted differently than I did, I maintain love and respect for you. We can have healthy discussions and even arguments without writing each other off completely. We can hold space for each other’s fears and pains while still grappling with our own. No election should end relationships.”
I can never do justice to Pete’s words by paraphrasing them, so I’ll repeat them here:
“Neither party will grow beyond its base until it learns and takes to heart the truth that those on the other side are equally ‘good’ and equally worthy of respect. In trying to understand those with whom we disagree, we are quick to vilify, assign base motives, and look for personal shortcomings to explain away decisions inexplicable to us. And quick to disrespect, if not denigrate the benighted them who act as they do. For the most part, “we” are talking about people we don’t know, communities way outside our personal experiences, people who faced lives with choices very different from ours, equally intelligent but differently educated, equally self-interested and equally public-spirited, equally generous and equally venal, and with faith and cultural traditions beyond our experience. How much respect do they deserve? As much as we deserve. No more, no less.
Talmage [Boston] has taught us to look to our Presidents for wisdom. For that and so much more, including this conversation we are having, thank you, Talmage. I will close with Lincoln’s closing lines from his first inaugural. He spoke to a nation on the brink of war with itself.
‘We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearthstone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.’”
I took Pete’s words to heart and accepted them as a challenge. I pledged to work on having a better understanding of Canoe Brothers (and others) who see things differently than I do. Other brothers likewise accepted the challenge.
This pledge to see things through the other’s eyes and be open to their viewpoints is also important in creating a family legacy. We all know that family disagreements can lead to lasting feuds that destroy a family’s legacy. It’s not worth it.
I’ve written about this before. Click here to see my post of May 31, 2022, “Family Friction? Be Thankful for the Variety of Spices.”
Professor Adam Grant (U. Penn, Wharton School) concurs: “Great minds don’t think alike. They challenge each other to think differently….Diverging views introduce you to new answers.” As we embark on a new year and a new administration, let’s resolve to be open-minded and empathetic.
The Canoe Brothers, though outspoken in our lively conversations (some might call them debates), remain committed to staying unified. May we serve as role models for others to do the same.
Marvin Blum (front and center) enjoying a friendly Texas vs. Vanderbilt rivalry with fellow Canoe Brothers. Even with our divergent football and political viewpoints, we remain committed to staying unified.