I’ve been writing this weekly Family Legacy Planning blog for nearly five years. I just discovered that we have data that tracks the number of hits a post gets. When we graph the data and look back at the level of engagement, I saw one huge upward spike. By a mile, the post that was most read happened a year ago entitled “Happy ‘Sobriety’ Birthday to My Daughter.” This shouldn’t come as a surprise to me. In my estate planning work, I’ve discovered that nearly every family struggles with addiction issues at some level. In honor of the anniversary of that post, I am reprinting the entire post below. But before I do, I’ll share one story that bears out my point about the multitude of families dealing with drug and alcohol dependency.
Several years ago, I was a member of an international family office network. Attending the group’s annual conference, I was intrigued by the agenda. It had all the topics you’d expect — investing, tax planning, estate planning, educating heirs, etc. But there was one topic that stuck out and didn’t seem to fit. The “sore thumb” topic that surprised me was a session on addiction. As it turns out, the addiction session received the most attendance and the highest level of engagement. Here I was in a packed ballroom with hundreds of wealthy families, and nearly every family was dealing with some level of substance abuse. That was a wake-up call. So, when I shared the story on this blog of my own daughter’s battle against alcoholism, the reaction from readers was the same as in that ballroom.
Given the attention that post received, I will repeat it here in its entirety. I’ll follow up in the coming weeks with some important updates, as August 1st marks Lizzy’s 4th “sobriety” birthday. We are abundantly grateful.
My Post of August 13, 2024:
Happy “Sobriety” Birthday to My Daughter
Last week’s post was about my 70th birthday, which I celebrated joyfully a few days ago, and I now embark on my eighth decade with renewed energy. In today’s post, I want to share another birthday we celebrated this month in our family. With my daughter Lizzy’s permission (indeed, her encouragement), I am grateful to rejoice in Lizzy’s 3rd “sobriety” birthday. As I’ve revealed in the past, Lizzy is waging a very successful but hard-fought battle against alcoholism. August 1, 2024, marks the completion of 3 years being sober.
Lizzy encourages me to tell her story with the hope it will help others who are battling addiction. I am proud of her willingness to be open and transparent about her struggle with alcohol dependency. So many are suffering in silence. Lizzy is a champion for saying you don’t have to live like that. She acknowledges that it’s a tough road, but there is help out there. Don’t try to fight this disease alone. Find a program that works for you, like Lizzy is doing.
Thanks to her program, Lizzy enjoys a very purpose-driven and meaningful life. In addition, her whole family benefits from her ability to be fully present and engaged with them. In fact, Lizzy, Ira, and their 3 kids just completed a three-week trip to Israel, where they brought comfort to families who are suffering from losses and injuries due to the war that began when Hamas attacked Israel on October 7, 2023. Their 3 kids are actively involved as well, providing love to these victims and to families of those still held hostage for 312 days now. Lizzy’s full-time mission is to fight antisemitism and support Israel through her social media platform, LizzySavetsky- work that wouldn’t be possible were it not for Lizzy’s sobriety. Laurie and I are very grateful and proud parents.
I learned this week that in some programs, a person with a sobriety birthday randomly selects a card that depicts a value to embrace for the coming year. The value one such person selected was the word “joy.” That person’s goal for the coming year is to experience joy.
That story brings to mind something that I experienced that I’d like to share. In one of my TIGER 21 meetings, we engaged in a “values exercise.” We were each presented with cards containing 56 values and directed to sort them into 3 stacks revealing how they apply to us: (1) always, (2) sometimes, (3) never. We then narrowed the “always” stack down to 10 and prioritized them, building a pyramid with our number one on top, followed by the next two, then the next three, then the next four. We assigned numerical weights and reported each of our results to the group. The group then constructed a group pyramid with the group’s top 10. It was fascinating to compare my individual pyramid to the group pyramid.
Here was my main takeaway: One of the group’s top 5 values was “joy.” The word “joy” was nowhere on my values pyramid. It never dawned on me that seeking joy was an appropriate goal. As a person who is (obsessively) productive, I never allowed myself to prioritize joy. Seeing how highly it ranked with the rest of my TIGER 21 group was a big wake-up call for me.
A values exercise like this is a very meaningful activity for a family meeting. As I continue to promote family legacy planning, the cornerstone of that process is the family meeting. I commend to you to bring your family together and engage in meaningful conversation and learning, and in doing so, reveal the values that your family holds in common. It’s a great unifying activity—what I often call “family glue.”
So, as I embark on my eighth decade, I am choosing the word “joy” as my new word of the year. It won’t replace my other values, but as I celebrate this 70th birthday, it’s time to smell the roses.
I do have some dissonance advocating the idea of “joy” during these very disturbing times, as my people are targets for unimaginable hate and terrorism. However, rabbis teach that G-d wants us to continue to celebrate life, even in the midst of our suffering. My heart is heavy, but I can still feel abundant gratitude, and yes—even “joy”—for all the blessings in my life.
Marvin E. Blum
Marvin Blum’s daughter Lizzy Savetsky (pictured here with her 3 kids) celebrated her third "sobriety" birthday one year ago, a golden gift to her and her loved ones.
